The 9 types of Toxic Men aka Abusers, according to Tigress Luv.
The "Demand" Man
Feels entitled, ask for more than he gives back. Feels like you "owe" him. Exaggerates and overvalues his own contributions. Keeps a "mental list" of everything he's ever done and wants constant payback for them. Thinks he is owed tremendous gratitude for meeting the ordinary responsibilities of every day life (and takes your contribution for granted).
When he is generous and giving to you - it's only to prove to himself , and others, that he is a good person. If you need something he accuses you of being self-centered and he tells everybody how selfish and ungrateful you are, and acts hurt because of all he's done for you. He gets furious if anything is demanded of him and switches it back to being about him.
Is an expert at everything. Talks in a condescending voice and acts like you are are an imbecile incapable of taking care of yourself.
Emits an air of superiority!
Any conflict is a clash between right and wrong - intelligence and stupidity - him being right, of course, and you being wrong.
He twists anything you say to make it sound wrong. Everybody is stupid to this person, as he is so certain of his own supreme intelligence. If you argue with him he will take it as a sign of your own ignorance and foolishness.
His partner will end up questioning their own intelligence.
He not only knows all the answers to everything, he tells you that how you run your own life is wrong. He knows ALL your faults. Mr. Right delights in correcting you in front of others (to point out his own intelligence).
He punishes you for having your own mind.
He imposes his beliefs and opinions, caring little about considering yours.
EWW! The Water Torturer! (Killing Me Softly With His Words!)
This man knows how to get under your skin. By remaining calm and level-headed to make you look crazy.
When arguing he will often have a superior or contemptuous grin on his face.
Uses a low, calm, stead voice to impose his psychological superiority over you, and often mimics you, laughs at you, or insults you.
Quiet calm, controlling acts against you. Talks to you as if you were a mental patient and he the doctor in control. Talks down to you as if you were nuts.
Accuses you of being abusive and out of control once he drives you to the brink. Claims you are irrational and acting crazy while he is in complete control and not starting an argument.
This man's tactics are difficult to recognize and identify. When a woman can't make a concrete evaluation and has nothing to label their partner with they can become extremely distraught and deeply scared. If someone hits you, you know it and can relate it to your friends, but when someone tries to drive you nuts, and appears to be rationale and innocent when doing it, you can't describe it to your friends and end up feeling like maybe you are 'nuts'. You most likely aren't even aware of it, it being so subtle and appearing so sane. You can't even describe something that's going on when you don't even know it is.
If you confront the Water Torturer he acts like he doesn't know what you are talking about. To friends and even your children, it looks like he is so laid-back and calm (low key) and that you blow up over nothing.
He is oppressive and stifling. Cynical and cocky.
Makes you feel like you are crazy and out of control. You get 'set off' by anything and everything. Makes you look like you are the one with the problem and everybody else believes this, too.
The Prison Guard
Runs every aspect of your life, from criticising everything you do, to telling you where you can and can't go. Dictating who you friends will be, how to cook and clean, listens to your phone calls, reads your emails, ask people (even enlist the children) to spy on you when he is gone, sets curfews, fathers you, and removes your freedom.
Overly jealous, accuses you of cheating, questions even who you casually look at. Dislikes women, irrationally possessive and policing. It's about possession, not fidelity, and thus so more than likely the Prison Guard is the one having an affair himself.
Watches you like a hawk. Denies you strength and independence.
It is difficult to get away from The Prison Guard as he monitors your activities to the max - even quitting his job, etc. He isolates you from friends and family. Removes your finances. Ruins your car. Holds you virtually as a prisoner.
Is overly in touch with his emotions and feels sorry for himself, blaming you for hurting him. He thinks he is a gift because, unlike most men, he is in touch with his feelings.
Comes on strong, good in bed, interest starts waning, he stares - ogles - at other women, you hear rumors.
You tend to get angry at the 'other woman' rather than The Player himself.
He makes you feel like you are the 'special one', and that other women are jealous of you, or angry at him because he turned down their advances, or because he dropped her. He makes all his past or 'other women' sound abusive, deranged, needy, or etc.
You can never really be sure of his faithfulness. He tries to make you jealous, then accuses you of being untrusting and insecure. You start to feel that every woman is a threat to you, your best friend, your sister, even your mother!
You tend to keep these other women away from you so as not to expose them to him.
You are put on a shelf, ignored, forgotten, and put away until he is ready for you again.
Ironically, he may get angry with you if you catch him cheating, even though he is the one that should have deserved the anger.
He sees all women as playthings or toys, rather than take them seriously. Most likely his mother "worked" for him and his father, rather than she was an equal partner.
He may believe that women are strictly sexual objects and that it is totally unfair to expect him to not be tempted by them.
(Should one avoid the 'charming' man who gets defensive if you question his actions that affect you?
Inability to accept disagreement and criticism is a bad sign. Not every charmer is an abuser - but many abusers are "pathological charmers".)
Thinks he is the toughest guy in the world. Believes women need protecting and all females are inferior to men. Believes women are there as subservient slaves to wait on their men. Treats women as if they were 'things', possessions, trophies, harem. Thinks that men need to keep women in line.
The Victim (Poor Me!)
Life has treated him unfair. His exes were all terrible to him, and even try to keep him from his kids. He has been the sad victim of women, the legal system, etc. His exes are all "wicked", evil witches.
Victims not only exhibit anger with their exes, but also DISRESPECT and CONTEMPT. Warning signs should be heeded when a man blames his exes for the entire demise of their relationship. Even if he admits to some wrong-doing on his part ("I cheated on her, but...") he blames it on her saying her 'evil' ways drove him to do it. She is always the reason why he did something 'wrong'. He takes no responsibility for any bad in his relationships! Most victims will claim that their exes were abusive, when in reality he was the abusive one. Most victims claim that their exes were controlling or wanted to wear the pants and be in power. Spoiled , demanding princesses.
Be warned, this is how he will describe you, should your relationship reach an end!
He is all about him, poor poor him, and he wraps himself up in self-pity, licking his imagined wounds, and tries to get other family, friends, and even the kids, to feel sorry for him. He claims no one understands him, and he may appear to assume the blame, but, in reality, he feels totally blameless. He can easily convince others that you are cruel, controlling, abusive, mean, angry, etc., and he is so wonderful and wounded.
He can mirror troubles and issues, easily reversing them to be the issues belonging to that of his partner. Whatever you see wrong in him, is the exact thing he 'claims' is wrong with you! "No, you're the one who..."
Victims are prone to depression, which is the same as getting caught up in self-pity - the 'poor-me' mode. Victims feel so victimized at times that they become insomniac, anxiety ridden, antisocial, and even suicidal. They do not see reality, but distort it to be cruel. Victims become bitter, resentful, and vengeful.
Abusive victims often assume the mantle of victimhood and martyrhood. Acting the eternal victim allows them to garner sympathy and support, abuse their victims by proxy, and still feel morally superior.
The Narcissistic Abuser
Quite highly distorted self-image. They are unable to accept the fact that they might have flaws or faults, and therefore are unable to imagine how other perceive them. In public Narcissistic men are charming and confident. In private they are nasty and dismissive. Clues to the presence of this include:
- your partner's self-centeredness is severe, and it carries over into situations that don't involve you
- he seems to relate everything back to himself
- he is outraged whenever anyone criticizes him and is incapable of considering that he could ever be anything other than kind and generous
- he becomes hypervigilant to any 'negative' words that others might use
He is self-centered, and feels he does a lot more than he actually does. He takes more than his share of the conversation, turning every subject back around to him. He listens poorly when you speak, and chronically shifts the topic of conversation back to himself. Self-centeredness is a personality characteristic that is highly resistant to change, as it has deep roots in either profound entitlement (in abusers) or severe early emotional injuries (in non-abusers), or both (in narcissistic abusers).
He treats you like gold when anyone is watching, is angry with you and bitter and spiteful when no one else is around to see.
Tries to turn you against your family, friends, and even your children, especially if the children are from a previous relationship and they're not his children.
Narcissistic men are highly resistant to change, as their inflated ego makes it difficult for them to see their real selves.
Narcissists are addicted to narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, adulation, being feared, etc.). They don't take well to criticism and disagreement. They are easily slighted and develop narcissistic injuries. The narcissism reacts with narcissistic rage, hatred, aggression, or violence to an infringement of what he perceives to be his entitlement. Any insinuation; hint; intimation; or direct declaration that the narcissism is not special at all, that he is average; common; wrong; imperfect; or not even sufficiently idiosyncratic to warrant a fleeting interest will inflame the narcissism.
Narcissist often become abusive when faced with insults or derogatory remarks about their person. In most people abuse is bred by fear – fear of being mocked or betrayed, emotional insecurity, anxiety, panic, and apprehension - but in the NPD man, abuse is triggered by the very thought of facing the fact that they are imperfect. This fear can be exaggerated when they are with someone who knows them well, and can logically point out their imperfections in a realistic and truthful way. It is a last ditch effort to maintain their delusions of grandeur that the NPD man may become physically abusive toward any individual who may provoke them by relating personal insults against their character based on facts. The NPD man will often choose to not associate with anyone who has uncovered or exposed the NPD's true 'less-than-perfect' self.
Posted by LaRisa Janai
Source: Lifted Hearts Network, Toxic Love, Tigress Luv